Need someone to sit with

10 pointers on how to work towards the job you desire?

When totally moving out of a job area that you have always done into a job area you only dream of, how do you do that? How do you make that move? What does that look like?

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1- Research what jobs you are thinking you might want in that job area.
2- Reach out to friends and family letting them know you are looking into this type of field and if anyone knows anyone in that field that you can talk to, to please make the connection for you.
3- Make connections with people in the field that you are interested in.
4- Invite them to lunch of coffee, your treat.
5- Write down some questions you have about this job and job area.
6- Take notes as you talk over coffee or lunch.
7-Make sure to thank them with a handshake and your gratefulness.
8- Be sure to send out a thank you note the following day.
9- Have as many of these meetings and connections as you can to get an idea of how to make your dream job happen.
10- START MAKING THINGS HAPPEN. DON’T SIT STILL. THINGS WON’T JUST HAPPEN. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM HAPPEN.

 

 

Being on the outside of the “in” crowd at almost 50.Β 

Is it possible to still feel like you’re in high school at almost 50? 

Sitting here at the golf course waiting for my husband to finish his gold tournament , I sit by myself.  As I see these other groups of women,  all dolled up,  laughing and chit chatting. They obviously are a group that is together often.  Talking about their kids, if they finished painting the bedroom,  and a planned trip to the lake.  Why do I feel like I did I high school; outside the group looking in.  Is it a “me” thing?  I’m the common denominator in this equitation.  What do I expect?  They don’t know me.  They’re not gonna reach out and say “hey, come sit with us” as much as that scenario would feel great,  it’s not gonna happen. And would I do that if I saw someone sitting alone?  Not knowing of they were alone or waiting for someone,  like myself.  
It’s all this just a pitty party? Something to blame so I don’t have to do the work and continue to feel sorry for myself?  
The longer I sit here with 8 empty chairs,  and their group getting bigger with no seats left,  no one is asking if they can sit with me.  Maybe strike up a conversation out of necessity got a seat.  

So as this unfolds,  my husband gets done and sits down next to me.  He introduces me to one of the guys standing next to the table of ladies. He introduces me to his wife; one of “the group”. And that’s it. My husband goes off to clean up after 5 hours of golf and the “group” goes back to their inner circle of giggles. 

This is soooooo my problem lol

Changing your story. Your future story.

Are you like I used to be? Shy, anxious, fearful, full of dread, and insecurities?

Have Β you stood outside some where too afraid to go inside? And cried in your car trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with you; why can’t you just go inside where people are waiting for you, some people you even know, some you don’t know. What’s the worst that could happen? Oh! You have plenty of “worst things” that could happen. Are all of them rational? Well no! But that’s besides the point. Knowing they aren’t all rational doesn’t change the fact that you brain is wired, some how, to go into panic mode at certain times.

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Recognition:Β 

You can’t live like this! A big step is recognizing these traits that, I can guarantee you, are holding you back from a full life of experiencing all the joys that your world around you have to offer. Acknowledging to yourself that you need to make a change in your life. Acknowledging to yourself that you need help. Those are two very difficult epiphanies that not everyone reaches. You’re not weak or stupid if you are a person who comes to this place in their life. You are a very mature and intuitive person for reaching this fork in the road and realizing you want something better for your life.

First Steps:

When I came to this fork in the road in my life, the first time, I was 23. I had always lived with being shy, missing out of opportunities because of my fears. Missing out of life experiences because of my mind lying to me about what those “worst things” were that could happen, that never did. The first step is to make a change. My first step to change was to put myself out of my comfort zone. I remember vividly telling myself I was going to say something nice to someone that day at work. Just one person!

I never grew up learning to give compliments or take them for that matter. We didn’t say “love you” or give hugs and express our affection towards anyone. So if I liked you I was more likely to say something sarcastic to you or make a joke at your expense. And GodΒ for-bid I received a compliment! I’d try my darnedest to deflect, deflect deflect. Compliments were the scariest things to me. Fearing something horrendously stupid would come out of my mouth!Β 

So on this day at work I pumped myself up. “Just tell one person as you pass them in the hallway that you like their shoes.” That doesn’t sound difficult to most of the world right!

But after I did it there was a sense of pride that came over me. I felt like my head was held higher and my vision straight ahead, instead of looking at the ground all the time.

Practice:

I get it! Making those first steps are hard! All sorts of lies your anxiety tells your brain. “They’re gonna think I’m nuts” “They’re gonna laugh about my compliment after I walk by”. And I could do on! I’ve told myself some pretty irrational lies. But with practice I have transformed from someone who couldn’t talk to a stranger to striking up full blown conversations with complete strangers just in the grocery store line.

To be transparent, this first step WAS 25 years ago!

The place I am within myself today is immensely empowering and freeing.

Don’t get me wrong! I still have those moments of insecurities and anxieties, every now and then. But now I have tools, that I have picked up along the way, that I use to talk my brain through the lies. The rational side of my brain started winning more battles.

I want to share those “talks” I have with the lying side of my brain! So you will have the tools yourself to grow and transform into your most empowering and free self.

What are some lies your brain has told you?